ughhh 11-2-07

today was a really good, but also terrible day. Ben, the guy i was madly in love with last year and am really confused about this year (b/c i never talk to him anymore and i dont know if i like him or not) well, we were walking by each other in the hall i was going to go get a drink of water and he turned to look at me and pretended to laugh at me while we were walking, like snikering, but as a joke. and i was like, hey.....! (like hey, stop [[jokingly]] laughing at me. and i was drinking water from the blubber thingy and he stood behind me even tho he didnt want water, when i was done he started fake laughing at me again and he was staning sorta behind me and started playing with the hood of my sweatshirt. so i jokingly pushing him and ....(since we dont really talk anymore) he said , so hows this yr for u so far? i said, fine, and then (since im chinese and have a crazy math brain and go up to the high school every morning with someother ppl to take honors geo, even tho we r in 8th grade) he was like "nerd, nerddd..."., again jokingly and i was like, at least im smarter than u. (as u can see we always joke like this... i mean last yr when he was in my class and i was friends with him we would always joke like this). and all that time (after i drank water) i was walking back to my spanish class, which was the opposite direction of which he was supposed to be going and he was kinda walkingwith me to talk to me, and then he turned around to go back to where he was supposed to go. and yea... so i just was getting pretty much getting over him and liking danny and then he comes back into my life and talks to me, and i like him more and now im getting over him less. and i want to get over him, SOO BADLYYYY. i could have siad a lot more witty things to ben and flirted more, but i didnt think of my witty comments till our conversation was over. and now i have the perfect response to his questiona nd i thought of more things to say.... uggggggggghhhhhhh i need to get over him. GOD DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!! i cant stand liking him and not being able to talk to him, tho i think its a good thing b/c then i can get over him faster, but not if things like this keep happening, but i dont object to them that much, but i do object to them. UUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHH has anyone else been like this b4, someone neeeeeeeddddddsss to HELLP MEEEE!!!!! and im starting to like danny more, but not as much as ben. last yr i loved ben sooooooo mcuh and it wasnt just a sloww progressive thing where i start to like him more and more, within the coarse of 3 days, i was madly in love with him and i wantED HIM SO BADDD. and i dont know if i really like danny, i think its just a crush/short term thing(liking danny) i think ill get over danny, even tho i dont really want to get over him. i want to like danny so i can stop thinking about ben all the time. its not as bad as last yr tho, thats good. HELP